I have been working at setting writing goals; write at least an hour every day on a short story, novel or blog entry. My priority is editing the first draft of my novel, then working on short stories and then adding to my blog. Point: sit butt in chair and write. Find that passion within myself.

Today at the writer’s digest forum, someone wrote about losing her passion for writing after the death of her partner. A very wise man responded with something to the effect of the flame burns within, but sometimes it takes someone outside of us to light the match.

Reading this wise man’s response reminded me that human beings need people. It’s no good isolating and shutting the door on the world. No matter what time I spend writing, I need to interact with those I love- a phone call, a walk, or meeting someone for a movie. Other times, I just need to interact with a stranger- a smile, nod or even exchange a few words. I am a true believer that what we offer to the world is what comes back to us.

This week I was saddened to read about the death of a man I knew from my childhood. This was back in the seventies before home computers and email, when people actually took pen to paper, or fingers to typewriter, and sent personal letters through the United States Postal Service. Cell phones were unheard of, and most home phones were still rotary.

Well, at that time, I was 13 years old and had the maddest crush on a DJ at a country station. I would come home from school just in time to catch the last half hour or so of his radio show. In fact, I became so lovesick that I started calling him to request songs and just say hi…

When I was ten, I began writing poems and lyrics, which continued through early adulthood. Well, I started sending my poems and lyrics to my new friend. He thought they were very pretty, perhaps someday he would write music to them. I was ecstatic because he was the only person in the world who took the time to read my poems and lyrics, and he even understaood where I was coming from!

Always very nice and cordial, one day he asked me out of the blue, as if he had been holding this question in for the longest time, “Susan, just how old are you?”

“Fourteen,” I said in my sexiest voice.

A long pause, and then “Fourteen? My goodness!”

He may have even asked if my mother knew I was calling him, I don’t really recall. But, what I do remember is that my heart dropped to the floor and I held my tears back. After that day, every time I called the radio station, he spoke to me as if I were a little sister or just some nice kid. When my mother found out I was calling him, she was furious. “He’s in his early twenties and way too old for you!”

Well, as it turned out, my mother monitored my interactions with him, my crush passed, he moved to Arizona, and we continued to talk on the telephone and exchange letters for about a year or so. He was always kind and wrote good advice in his letters that I have carried with me throughout my life. I am sure he was not even aware of the impression he left on me.

On the home front, Don is doing well with his music- he and his band will be going to a music festival in Phoenix in the fall, and the bluegrass festival will be going into its third year in September. Don is such a talented musician and a beautiful boyfriend. I feel blessed that we can share our lives.

I plan on taking a trip back up to Northern California sometime in the fall to visit friends and my younger brother Vaughn. I am hoping Don can come with me, as his brother and sister-in-law live in Crescent City. I would also love to get up to Oregon to visit my special cousin Tammy, and to Washington to visit my older brother Tom. I also have nieces and other family members along the way. It’s been too long since I’ve been up in the Pacific Coast, which I love.

My grandfather is doing well, too. Don and I went to Dixon to have lunch with him two weeks ago. He was a little down because his brother, Paul, could not make his yearly visit this last month. The family always enjoys Uncle Paul and Don playing guitar and singing.

That all for now. I must say that I have reached my writing goal for today of one hour, which equals almost 800 words! Yahoo!

At a writer’s forum I visit, one of the most asked questions is How do I get rid of writer’s block? Answers from other writers range from there is no such thing to try to figure out why you are blocked. It seems to me that writer’s block has become a blanket excuse for not writing.

If there is such a thing as writer’s block, I feel it is more behavioral than anything else. In other words, we find other things to do rather than writing- go to the market, socialize, clean the cat box, watch the comedy channel, play Spider Solitaire on the computer, or even call Great Aunt Ethel who hasn’t seen us since we were six and doesn’t even remember us.

Excuses, excuses.

I don’t want to try to figure out why I don’t want to write. It’s easier just to admit the truth- I don’t want to write, I would rather (fill in the blank). That’s when I take responsibility and writer’s block becomes a choice rather than some psychological condition destined catapult me into a therapist’s chair (and take all the money I could be making if I were writing).

My cure to writer’s block is to write. I have a set time each day, five to six days a week, when I commit to sitting down and writing. On weekdays, I write in the evening for 45 minutes to one hour. On weekends, I am more flexible and will often write in different places, sometimes as little as a half hour, other times as much as two hours.

What helps me stay focused is to have several projects going at the same time. If I make the choice not to work on one, I will work on the other. I try to keep some type of a deadline in mind. Perhaps, I want to finish editing chapter six of my novel by the end of the week, but I also want to continue writing my short story in two weeks. If I have my priority on track, I will finish editing chapter six and then move to the story. If I have my priorities in the wrong order, then Spider Solitaire will pop up on my screen (all right, I open it, it doesn’t just pop up) and I will play a game. But, I always have the choice whether to continue my game or write.

If I’m smart, I make Spider Solitaire a reward for completing a day’s writing. Writing is hard work. I must pay attention to detail including spelling, grammar, and style while I use that creative and physical energy that can drain me to the bones. Rewards for hard work are a must.
Remember, those of you who do believe in writer’s block, this is my opinion only because, if I allowed myself to believe in writer’s block, I would probably use it as an excuse not to write.

I am still trying to find a home for one story. I am working on another short story that I want to submit to Glimmer Train, as well as editing my novel. My short story has priority because it takes less time to write than my novel. Finally, I have been considering a volunteer position in our local writer’s club, but I am not sure I will have time for it.
Time to get to work on my short story just for my reward of Spider Solitaire.

This moment, as I sit at my desk facing the window, a canopy of redwoods lining the fence, blue sky peeks through the tall branches. This morning, the sun came up brighter than I have seen in days. In fact, today is the first day smoke and haze have not permeated the air, polluting, causing burning eyes, headaches and breathing difficulties. Like many others, I have been taking my exercise to the gym instead of outside.

The fires have been in areas other than Santa Rosa, all the way from Humboldt County (my old stomping grounds) down to Big Sur, and many places in between. In fact, other than two house fires started by electrical mishaps, Sonoma County has been very lucky. All we have gotten is the smoke, but it has been everywhere for days. In places where fires run rampant, wildlife has either died or been displaced, and many people have lost their homes. All from the natural phenomenon of lightning striking like an angry match.

I have only been in one fire, when I was five. We lived in a mobile home in a small town in the hills. I think it was California, or maybe it was Oregon. I don’t recall. My dad was a logger, my mother stayed at home. Sometimes she would put us down for a nap and go outside and split wood for my dad.

One particular day, she was outside working. She had told us to stay down for our nap. I was cold and asked my brother, who was six, to keep me warm. At some point, we found some matches and built a fire, just a small one in the closet to keep us warm until mother came back into the house. Within moments, that little fire took on a life of its own and raged out of control. The last thing I remember is my mother, five feet two and one hundred ten pounds, running out of the house with each of us under an arm.

I remember the terror I felt from the heat, the fear on my mother’s face as she rescued us from the preying arms of the flames, the anger in my father’s voice as he scolded us for playing with matches. However, I didn’t remember the incident until I was an adolescent, and then it came back full-force in flashbacks explaining why I hated fire, even that small flame when my parents struck a match to light their cigarettes.

In present times, I feel for those who have either had to evacuate or have lost their homes, including wildlife. Fire started by a natural phenomenon affords a lot less guilt than one started by matches. However, the emotions are the same- loss, anger, grief and the actions of picking up pieces and starting over. I remember when my parents had to pick up those pieces.

Each day, I say my prayers for those directly affected by the fires and for the fire fighters who have been working for almost two weeks to bring the flames under control. Other than prayer, and the angels who help out in numerous ways, all California needs is a good strong dose of rain.

This week, my Compaq Presario R3000 with Windows XP literally died. The power source inside of the computer shorted out and the computer would not start at all. It would have cost me more to fix it than to buy a new computer. Over the last year, I have had numerous problems with my computer- what appeared to be the backlight going out, which somehow “fixed” itself, problems starting up and crashing in the middle of work, and then the latest fiasco with the power source. My guess is that all those prior problems had to do with my system shorting out. However, despite the problems, I used my computer every single day for my writing and internet activity. It really was a great computer.

During my computer experience, I learned that there are still good people out there who are not after a buck. The technician at Mawson Computer Center did not charge me for the labor he had put into repairing the power jack ($270), but charged me a $69 diagnostic fee and told me to go buy myself a new computer. If I were to have the power source replaced, it would cost me well over $1,000 with part and labor. Without being asked to do so, and without charging extra, he also saved all of my “stuff” onto disc. I am really grateful. Here is a blurb on their excellent service record: http://www.diamondcertified.com/sonomamawsoncomputercenter.html

Now, this brings me to the real meat of this entry, which is a subject that makes many computer users out there pretty sore- Vista. Yes, my new Compaq Presario F700 came equipped with Windows Vista. I could have had XP installed for one low price of $59.99, but I wanted to try out Vista first before making that decision.

Let me tell you…..

I am glad that I did not install XP. I like Vista a lot. I have found it to be user friendly, fast and it looks great. Yes, it does look different and is probably a near-clone of the Mac operating system. However, it does things a lot easier and differently than Windows XP. For example:

1. When I hooked my DSL modem up to the internet, no action was necessary on my part other then plugging the correct cable into the correct port- Vista did the rest (whatever the rest was). XP required that I go through a few steps.

2. I installed my HP printer with no problems and no software- just plugged the printer cord into the computer and Vista did the rest. XP required that I used the software, which was cumbersome and too overloaded for my taste.

3. I removed the trial version of Word 2007 from my new computer because I didn’t like how difficult to navigate it was, didn’t want to purchase it, and love Word 2003. Since I already had my Word 2003 software, I tried to install it despite warnings from others that it might not work. Well, it installed just fine and is now in full working order.

For someone like me, who uses the computer for creative writing and simple things, Vista Home Edition is perfect. I don’t do gaming, but I do love to browse the internet to the writer’s digest forums (link in sidebar on the right), research, listen to music, view videos and review blogs, and I spend a lot of time writing. Speaking of writing, it is time to get back to my editing chapter 8 of my novel, which now lives on my new Compaq.

This last week, I have been on what I call a working vacation- time off from my day job to do work at home. My goals were to get lots of writing done, clean my filing cabinet, redecorate on a budget, have new windows put in and do the mundane things I don’t have time to do. On Friday, I planned on going up to Don’s and coming home on Monday. I promised myself that I would run early in the mornings as I usually do before work, followed by a half hour or so of browsing the internet while I ate breakfast and, finally, getting in at least two hours of writing each day.

I am more than tickled to report that my vacation went pretty much as planned, with a few setbacks. Sometime on Sunday night, my computer decided to become upset; every time I pressed the keys, the blue screen of death appeared followed by a quick restart where I didn’t have time to read the error message. I attempted system restore, updating Windows, and all kinds of other little things. I finally ended up buying a $15.00 external keyboard, which was the perfect solution. That is, until I forgot I had the external keyboard and started using my laptop keys again- and the computer hasn’t crashed since! My logic- computers have their personalities too!

This week, I met my writing goals. On most days, I wrote at least two hours. On Wednesday, while my windows were being installed, I got in four hours of writing. Since I live in a spacious 925 square foot condominium, I was able to work at my laptop in my office while the old windows were removed and installed at the front of the house. When they made it back to the office, I moved to the kitchen table. This system of staying out of their way while doing my own thing resulted in two things- chapter six and seven are revised/rewritten and I now have new double-paned windows that eliminate most of the outside noise and all of the old draft and keeps the inside evenly heated to my specifications.

The greatest gift I received this week came while I was cleaning out my file cabinets. First, I decided to rid myself of multiple copies of the same story, all of which came from when I took writing workshops about 15 years ago. Some of the copies had intelligent critiques, others contained nothing more than random doodles or words/phrases that made no sense. I shredded until I had the most current copy of each story, including those that went through major revisions. I am not a clutter-bug, except when it comes to my writing, where my ego is more at play. It helped put my own creative side into balance by throwing away that which was not doing me any good.

My other gift was finding a large folder containing rejection slips dating from 1991 through 1998. As any writer knows, rejection is a normal part of submitting your work whether you are published or not. As I read the rejections, I noticed that many were personalized letters and contained handwritten encouragement on form letters. Some were as simple as these:

*So sorry, not right for us.
*Thank you, I regret this is not for me. Good luck!
*Thanks for your submission, but we are not accepting fiction at this time. Best of luck!

Then, there were the personalized letters written directly to me, not form letters with my name inserted at the top. I love Cats wrote me this on April 29, 1992: “Thank you for sending me your story and I really enjoyed the piece and writing. However, I recently accepted a story on the same topic so I will have to pass on yours…”

There were other personalized letters telling me to check back in a few months, and another giving me advice on seeking a literary agent as opposed to submitting on my own, another rejecting my proposal but advising to consult with Writer’s Market and Literary Marketplace for a more comprehensive list of places to submit, and yet another rejection where the editor enjoyed reading my proposal but ran out of funding and would not be able to accept any work at this time.

Even the dark cloud of rejection can contain a silver lining (cliché, I know, but who cares?).

I quit submitting my writing for a good eight years after receiving the rejections slips. I don’t think it was the rejections themselves, but more life taking over- going back to school and getting my paralegal certification and then completing my B.A. degree in liberal studies. Both of those contained a lot of writing and submitting to no one else but the professors.

Early last year, I decided to start writing more, as well as submitting. I completed the first draft of my novel, and I am now editing and rewriting. Within the last 14 months or so, I have submitted three short stories, two of which have been accepted for publication. One of the stories keeps getting rejected. My first rejection was because the magazine decided to fold, which is not a rejection of my work per se. The second magazine I sent it thought it was a good story but that it was not right for their publications, perhaps I should submit to crime magazines. The last rejection was from a well-known crime magazine. Time to get that story back into circulation again.

My weekend with Don was great. We went to a musical gathering on Friday night, visited Grandpa on Saturday, attended a parade on Sunday morning (he actually rode in the parade while playing his fiddle and guitar), went for a boat ride and lunch outing on Sunday afternoon, and then I came home this morning. It was wonderful spending the weekend with the one I love and many wonderful friends.

Tomorrow I go back to my day job. Since I like the people I work with, as well as the type of work I do, I am ready to step back into the working world again. Right now, I enjoy being in my warm home (outside it is windy and overcast) and hanging out with my cat, Buddy and Oliver.

I hope you have all had a safe Memorial Day Weekend.